To My WHAT IF

I haven’t really written in a while. Not even sure if I will be able to give justice to this write-up.  But nevertheless, I hope you believe me when I say you have made a significant imprint somewhere in me, reason why I’m scribbling words right after all of my meetings, in between stuff. 

Yes, I must admit how happy I am for having met you. At first I thought you were just one of those lurkers, bored souls online, poking fun at people like me who was hoping to still find someone special.

What set you apart in the long run was that you surprisingly showed me a part of your soul, a significant side of you I actually did not expect to see. It would be funny if I also say I love talking to you because our conversations have never been boring at all even when we already blabbed about politics. But this is truth and I feel kilig after knowing we eventually felt the same way! All the more you've made me ask myself - What If? (*shrug)

Your being is silly has never sounded stupid nor way below the belt. By far, you have been the most articulate, well-versed person I have ever spoken to online for a long time. I can’t deny the fact that you have made my heart skip a beat again - it has been dead for a while.

You are right for saying I am scared too, because you terrify me in a way that I find you so unpredictable. I never, not an inch have expected you to ever write something so special for me. No one has ever done this. I guess I’ve just been used to the fact to being the one to scribble for people. Never has it crossed my mind that you’d look forward to messages from me, because I too would always check for yours. Goodness, I miss you all the time! I just did not want to sound so needy because I might lose you. But even then, I still did, didn’t I? 

Nevertheless, I hope you find courage to admit to yourself that yes, we have something special. We may have inhibitions but when will we start taking courage anyway?

Sipping my java chip at 7 in the morning, I fill myself with so much more questions but I know I don't easily surrender until I give it a fight. Especially when I know it's worth fighting for. Funny though that I had to walk into an empty place this morning - not what I was expecting...

To my WHAT IF... let me tell you that the world is already as scary as it is. While no one has the right to tell us to be courageous because they do not know what battles we have fought in the past, I hope in time you'll realize that there are chances that wishes to be taken... fears to suck up... days to be taken one sunset at a time... so you won't live in a world filled of What Ifs...

But... What If I had been in a better place, perhaps a different body, under different circumstances?